Need vs Needy
“What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.” – Marshal B. Rosenberg, Ph.D
What is the difference between need and needy? Having a need is an expansive interdependent relationship working toward a common goal. All parties involved empower each other to move forward. Trust is built and the foundation is strong.
Being needy is manipulative and the energy is indirect. Needy people fear rejection from other people, have no boundaries and want control because they lack trust.
We all have universal needs. We all need love, connection, food and rest. We become needy when the request, strategy to fulfill these needs becomes single minded, and addictive. When we start to think, feel and act as if this one request is the only request that will fulfill our needs. When the request becomes a demand I would say that the need has become needy. Or when we think we have no other choice.
Have you ever wondered what blocks our energy, preventing us from manifesting our dreams? Being needy stops our flow. As the energy changes, we lose focus on the present moment, forget the tools to communicate our needs and function out of desperation. Walking the fine line between need and needy can be a challenge.
To meet these challenges, people are using the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshal B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. and forming groups to practice NVC. Groups use tools like observing, feeling, need and request. Behind every request there is a feeling and need. Sometimes the feelings and the needs are unconscious. It has been a blessing being in a group of like-minded people that role-play difficult real-life situations using Dr. Rosenberg’s method. Watching the group role-play has been transformational. A deep healing takes place, not just for the person with the challenge, but also for the entire group. This book is a must! It helps provide steps to communicate with authenticity, openness, and empathy to other’s needs, as well as our own.
According to NVC, Judgments, criticism, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our own needs and values. In the course of developing emotional responsibility we usually experience it in three stages 1) emotional slavery- believing ourselves responsibly for the feelings of others. 2) the obnoxious state – in which we refuse to admit to caring what anyone else feels or needs, and 3) emotional liberation – in which we accept full responsibility for our own feelings but not the feelings of others, while being aware that we can never meet our own needs at the expense of others.
While role playing a friend was triggered by a comment, “Controlling with money.” I asked her who controlled you with money and how did that feel. She replied, “When I was a child my stepmother would pay my allowance to my step brothers and sister. While they went to the movie, I’d stay home and do their chores. I took it personally. Now, I realize my stepmother was mad at my dad, but took it out on me.” How did that feel I asked? “I felt hurt, abandoned, and sad.” I asked her what her needs were. “To be accepted and loved.” Her tears turned into clarity as she saw through her unconscious feelings and needs that caused the trigger. She became responsible for her own feelings, which shifted the energy from emotional slavery to emotional liberation.
Much Love Laurie and Preston from Heaven:)
